I often find myself wishing that I could write down the things that make my heart dance and my soul sing.
Every time I go outside and see the world, and even when I am inside seeing my own small piece of it, I have this wish to communicate the things I see and the way I feel when I see them. Especially this year when we are having a fall the likes of which I have not seen for many years. Long and slow and majestic, with gradual but dramatic changes in color accompanied by lovely weather, intermittently crisp and cool, soft and warm.
The past few days were the kinds of days that make me ache to paint. At the same time – nothing I can ever put down on paper, either in words or in illustration will ever come close to expressing the feelings or the beauty of what I see. The trees still have plenty of green on them, and yet there are loads of crunchy leaves underfoot. The sun has that special golden fall light that reaches down and becomes my partner in denying for a bit longer the transition to the colder winter landscape of blues, whites and grays. Together we explore the incredibly vivid colors of G-d's watercolor palette for autumn. He puts reds and purples together with greens and yellows, achieving colors that defy description and have no name, and He splashes them around in compositions that astound as much in their boldness as they do in their subtleties. Trying to mix colors for and paint even one leaf can be a day-long job for me and yet He does it everywhere, every second, every day.
In the north side of my garden there are two gawky, randomly shaped shrubs of witch hazel that were put in by a landscaper years ago. Before I saw what happens to them in the fall, I thought that they had been put there just to fill up the corner space. They are about waist high, have only about ten long wayward branches and huge saucer-like leaves. All summer they are just plain green – not a bad green, but undeniably just green. And then the temperature begins to drop, the days get shorter and their leaves begin to change color. The outer edges of some become tinged with red and yellow, others simply switch completely to yellow, while others use a neutralized palette of deep red and green coming up with amazing shades of reds, purples, greens and greys. I love these plants. I love the way they are satisfied to be who they are all summer, and then become a blaze of fire in the fall. I love the details of each leaf, each a unique watercolor painting, grouping together into myriad compositions, every time the wind blows or the sun moves.
I tried to paint the witch hazel in pastel today (click to see it here). I worked with deep colors, but found myself frustrated pretty early on. So much to paint and so little time! I cannot paint quickly – and firmly – putting down swathes of color and making a whole out of many parts. I want the immediate gratification of a photograph, I want to be able to reproduce both the way it looks and the way it feels and I am left wanting.